


Tambourine Dreams

by kaminikaku



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-09
Updated: 2011-04-09
Packaged: 2017-10-17 19:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/180460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaminikaku/pseuds/kaminikaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shige's finding it difficult to sleep as his various personas from his Tambourine PV come out to play. The question is why are they there, and what do they want?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tambourine Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written as part of the je_hols fic exchange 2009. And a huge thanks to my lovely beta wrenne25-chan who is awesome.

Not again.

Oh God, *not again*!!!

Shige threw the covers back, and stumbled out of bed. This was the fourth night in a row, and it was all getting a little bit out of hand.

Dreams were just dreams, they didn't mean anything, they were just ... just ... he was tired. His brain was sorting through information, and the dreams were a way for his subconscious to ... do something with that information. It's not like they were telling him what he should be doing. Or could be doing. Or wanted to be doing.

The fact that he was dreaming about Koyama was not all that strange. They were best friends, and Kei was very important to him, and ... Enough. He would not think about it anymore. He had to get to work, and even if Kei had looked really hot in those pants... work. He had to get to work. A cold shower, brushed teeth, breakfast... all this would look much better once he’d taken care of those. 

**

Shige looked up as a steaming coffee cup was wafted under his nose. The anticipation of the caffeine jolt was enough for him to grab the cup, and bring it to his lips.

Koyama laughed, relinquishing the cup, and sat down across from him. "You look tired. Aren't you sleeping?"

"I am sleeping. I just don't think I am sleeping very well," Shige took another gulp of   
coffee, savoring the bitterness on his tongue. "How could you tell?"

"Well, the dark circles under your eyes, the fact that your laptop is open and you’ve been staring at a completely blank document for the last half hour, but most importantly ... " Kei stood, and walked around the table to stand behind Shige’s chair. Shige jumped, startled, but managed not to drop the coffee, as Kei buried his hands in his hair. "You forgot to dry the back of your hair this morning. It's all puffy and sticking up!"

"Shut up, it's meant to be that way!" Shige swatted at Kei's hands but was ignored.

"I might believe that if you had not taken the time to put wax on the front and blow dry it straight." Finally satisfied that he had smoothed Shige's hair into some semblance of order, he asked again, "Why aren't you sleeping well?" 

Shige looked down into the coffee cup, and for a second Koyama thought he saw a blush on his cheeks. "It's nothing. Don't worry Kei, I'll be fine."

"If you are sure ..." Kei's voice trailed off, and Shige did not need to look up to know that his eyes were soft with concern and worry.

"Seriously, I have just been busy lately with university stuff, and keeping up with my column and filming the PV was really full on ... I’ m just tired."

"Ok, Ok!" Koyama held up his hands in defeat. "I'll stop nagging. I have to head out for a meeting for Hi Hey Say, anyway. You know if you need to, you can always nap on the couch, no one will disturb you ..."

"Kei!"

"Sorry, sorry. I'm going. See you later!"

The door closed behind him, and Shige looked at the couch. It was very tempting. The only positive side of their being so much solo work lately was that their dressing room was relatively quiet. A few minutes wouldn’t hurt....

****  
 _The strobe lights were dazzling as they swept over the stage, blinding him, then picking out members of the crowd at the front. He could not really see people, it was more like there were flashes of expressions, people caught in a split second of enjoyment as the light flickered. The heavy bass and drums thundered through him, grounding everyone to a rock solid beat, hard, heavy and loud. The guitars were screaming behind him, and he had rarely felt this alive. His voice growled with the music, and the audience screamed, and then he saw him._

 _There._

 _He had come again._

 _He was standing right near the front of the stage, and their eyes locked. He looked the same, long rich chocolate brown hair, teased and styled into spikes on one side. Eyeliner thick along the bottom rim of his eye, but even more drawn along the top lid. No face powder tonight, but dark lipstick, so dark red it was almost black. He was wearing the t-shirt again too, the one with the band's name emblazoned across the front, and it moulded beautifully to his shoulders and chest._

 _Tonight he would find out more than just his name. Koyama. It felt nice on his tongue._

 _The show was over almost before he knew it, and he knew that it had gone well. The screaming was deafening, and his own t-shirt stuck messily to the small of his back. Beneath his white makeup he could feel sweat running down his face, and the only thing keeping his hair in place was the can of hairspray he had used earlier. The cheers and stomping continued, they gave them one encore, then two, and finally the owner switched off the stage lights and turned the club lights back on. Music came blasting through the speakers and the audience threw themselves into dancing._

 _Shige pushed through the crowd, his eyes searching desperately for Koyama. The adrenaline was still buzzing in his blood, and the high from the concert was flooding through him. There. There he was, standing by the bar. He headed directly towards him, as Koyama turned and they met face to face._

 _Before he could ask if Koyama wanted a drink, they were walking towards the back of the club, his arm held tight in Koyama's grasp. He felt his heart rate speed up as Koyama guided them through a door that led into the alley behind the club. Without a word, Koyama pushed him against the wall, leaned into him, arms resting on either side of his head. Shige could appreciate how the action flexed the muscles in his arms. He tried to find something to say, something cool and intelligent but nothing came to mind. Now was not the time to ask about his first name, right? How about the show? Did he enjoy the show?_

 _“Yes, I did.” The voice was warm, with a thread of amusement present. Shige realised that he had actually said the last question aloud._

 _“Shall I tell you what I enjoyed most about the show?”_

 _Shige nodded._

 _Koyama leaned in even closer and whispered into his ear, “The way you look when you lose yourself in the music. When you forget to worry about the performance, or the words, or how you look up there. That's when you are completely lost in the moment, and that's when I see you. The real you.”_

 _Shige stared at him, at the curve of his lips, at the warmth in his eyes, and lunged forward to crush their lips together...._

Damn it! Shige howled as the pain in his right knee registered. He must have hit his knee on the sharp edge of the coffee table when he rolled off the couch. A pair of hands grabbed his shoulders, and he realised someone was calling his name. He opened his eyes and looked up into the worried eyes of Ryo. “Are you ok?”

Shige managed to nod.

“Up you come then.” Ryo grasped his shoulders firmly, and together they managed to heave Shige back onto the couch. “What happened?”

“I think I rolled off while I was asleep. I must have hit my knee on the way down,” Shige managed to explain through gritted teeth.

Ryo nodded. “I'll get something for your knee.” He disappeared for a few moments, only to return with a cold wet towel which he helped Shige press against his knee. “I think that will bruise quite well. No showing your knees off in this month's photoshoots.”

Shige managed a wry grimace. “I don't think that they are after photos of my knees anyway.”

“You never know,” Ryo answered. “Knees could be the next big thing. Who has the most idol like knees in Johnny's? They have asked questions before which are just as ridiculous.”

“True,” Shige smiled and then a thought occurred to him. “What are you doing here? Aren't you with Kanjani this week?”

Ryo nodded. “Yep, but the dressing room was so loud that I wanted a bit of quiet, so here I am. Lucky for you!”

“So lucky for me,” answered Shige, and pushed a slapping hand away from his head.

A comfortable silence settled between the two of them, and Ryo finally asked, “Shige, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Are you ok? You look really tired.”

Shige stifled a sigh. “I am fine, I am just not sleeping really well.”

“I see. Can I ask you another question?”

“Why not?”

“What were you dreaming about?”

Shige froze and desperately tried to think of something to say, before deciding to lie. “I am not sure I remember.”

“Really? I thought you moaned and said Kei just before you ended up on the floor. And ... to put it delicately, I am not sure that your knee was the only thing that could have done with some cold water.”

Shige buried his face in his hands, and listened to Ryo laugh.

**

It was just as well that Ryo and he were now friends. If the Ryo of early NEWS had asked the Shige of early NEWS that question, that Shige would have had to murder him on the grounds that the Ryo of that time would have cheerfully used it to torture him for months. If not years. Nowadays, he could trust Ryo not to say anything about this to anyone. Which was a very, very good thing.

His cellphone beeped, signaling the arrival of a new message. He smiled at the text on the screen. “Shige. Time for sleeping! I don't want to see those circles tomorrow morning. They are not idol-like. Remember photoshoots coming up. Sleep well. KK <3 <3 <3.”

He buried his face in his pillow, pulled the covers up to his chin, and closed his eyes. Sleep well. Yes please.

**  
 _She grimaced at the flavour of the lollipop. Raspberry and apple had tasted nice at the beginning but the longer she sucked it, the less she liked it. Still it was better than nothing and seeing her friends had still not arrived, she was bored, so she may as well eat._

 _An hour later, the lollipop was gone, the battery of her phone was almost dead, the last train had left, and her friends were nowhere to be found. She was stuck here, by herself, on a school night. Her parents were going to kill her._

 _Leaning back against the wall, she weighed her options. Taxi – way too expensive. No bus or trains until the morning. The bars in the nearby streets were starting to get a bit crowded and soon people would start to work out how they wanted to keep themselves occupied for the night. So that left a manga cafe, a love hotel or karaoke. The manga cafes were all at least a 20 minute walk away, she was in her uniform so wandering into a love hotel alone was probably not a good idea (although having a partner with her would no doubt also be frowned upon while she was wearing her school uniform), so karaoke it was. Mentally counting through the contents of her purse, she should have just enough to get a small room for a few hours. Hoping the battery would last long enough she tried one last phone call, got pushed through to voicemail and left a quick and no doubt garbled message saying she was ok, and she would be heading to karaoke._

 _A very handsome young man escorted her to one of the smallest and cheapest rooms that they had. He had the cutest black and white waiter uniform on, and she found herself checking out the way the apron hugged his hips. She blushed. The room was close to the front door, and only shared one wall with another room so it should be quieter. She thanked the handsome young waiter, and settled herself on the couch._

 _The karaoke system had been set to random love songs, and the volume was turned down quite low. She was dozing on the couch, letting the sounds wash over her. She may as well catch a few hours sleep, and here was as good a place as any ... the door flew open, and a tall figure rushed through it._

 _“What the hell are you ...”_

 _“Shhhhh!” The figure said desperately. “Please be quiet.”_

 _“WHY?”_

 _“Please. Just let me intrude for a few minutes and then I will leave you in peace. Please.”_

 _Her response was cut off by the sound of screaming girls in the hallway, obviously searching for someone._

 _“Please.”_

 _She heaved a sigh, and managed to get the door opened and closed behind her. “What on earth is going on? What are you all screaming about? Some of us are trying to sleep you know!”_

 _Two girls grabbed her arms, and one hollered into her ear. “Did you see him? Koyama Keiichiro came in here. We saw him. We need to find him.”_

 _“Koyama Keiichiro? You really think that a Johnny's idol would be hanging out at a karaoke place like this? Don't you think this is a little down market for someone like him?” She raised a questioning eyebrow._

 _“We saw him. We saw him come in here. He was dressed just like he was in the Love Addiction PV. His shoulders look even better in real life! And he was wearing sunglasses. And that hat. And the scarf thing. And we saw him. He is here somewhere!”_

 _“Well, he's not here. I am the only one in this room, and I am trying to get some sleep seeing I missed my last train home. So if you would not mind ...”_

 _A third girl jumped in front of her and demanded, “How do we know you are not hiding him? You look like the sort who would try and keep him all for yourself!”_

 _Before she had time to deny it, the lovely handsome waiter who looked even more dashing than before in his waiter outfit interrupted to say, “I guarantee there is no one else in her room. She came in by herself an hour ago, and I know no one has gone into her room.”_

 _She nodded once towards the waiter in agreement and thanks, and once, slightly mockingly towards the crowd of girls. “Now, if you don't mind I am going to say goodnight.” She turned on her heel, slipped back into the room, and held the door shut._

 _She raised her finger towards her lips, and Koyama remained in the far corner, trying to be as quiet and invisible as possible._

 _On the other side of the door she heard the waiter say once more, “He is not in there. There is no way he could be in there. Look, are you even sure you saw him come in here? Maybe he is on another floor ...” The voices of the girls suddenly shifted off into the distance, obviously taking the hint to search elsewhere._

 _She heard a quiet voice behind her say, “Just in case.” and then the sound of a lock clicking._

 _With a heavy sigh, she headed towards the couch, and motioned for him to join her._

 _“So what brings you to the backstreets of Shinjuku tonight, Koyama-san?”_

 _Koyama paused for a second and then sat gingerly beside her. “How did you know who I was?”_

 _She groaned. “Well, the wearing sunglasses and a hat in the middle of the night, bursting into taken karaoke rooms asking me to hide you, not to mention the whole screaming searching fangirls out there, all of that kinda gave you away.”_

 _“Ok, but how did you know for sure it was me?”_

 _“Seriously!” She reached into her bag and pulled out a copy of Myojo, and waved it at him. “Hello, I have eyes. You are an idol, you know.”_

 _Koyama grinned sheepishly. “Sometimes I wonder.”_

 _She flipped through the magazine to the NEWS spread, and made a great show of comparing the picture to the man sitting in front of her. “Sorry, this is definitely you.”_

 _They laughed._

 _“Can I ask you a question now?”_

 _“Sure.”_

 _“Why on earth are you wandering around the streets dressed in your Love Addiction costume, in the middle of the night, only wearing sunglasses as a disguise?”_

 _A rueful smile, and a shake of his head later, Koyama said, “A dare. Tegoshi dared me to do it, and I thought it was a good idea.”_

 _She snorted. “I think that might be an exaggeration.”_

 _“You would not be the only one. Shige tried to talk me out of it as well. Said it would lead to nothing but trouble.”_

 _“And he was wrong how?”_

 _“Wait a minute, if I had not done it, I would not be here now, sharing your karaoke room.”_

 _“Smooth. Very smooth Do I swoon now?”_

 _“You are hard to impress.”_

 _“You have no idea.”_

 _Koyama laughed. “What's your name? I would like to know who we need to keep out of the tabloids tomorrow?”_

 _“Believe me, there will be no tabloids and me, now or ever. You can call me Gemi.”_

 _“Well then, Gemi-chan, thank you for allowing me to take refuge in your karaoke room.”_

 _She bowed, “No problem, Koyama-san. Although I am wondering, how long do you want to stay?”_

 _He looked at his watch. “Another half hour should probably do it. I'll just give Shige a ring to pick me ...” His voice trailed off as he realised he did not have his phone or his watch. Both of them were in his jacket ... which was back in the dressing room. Oh Sh...._

 _“So I guess your outfit does not have pockets then?”_

 _He nodded. “My phone is back in the dressing room, along with my wallet and keys. Could I by any chance borrow yours?”_

 _She smiled. “I would of course lend you my phone, but the battery is dead. And the waiter has locked us in here. So I guess we are stuck here until morning.”_

 _Koyama sighed. “I hope the guys aren't waiting too long for me. Hopefully they will realise fairly quickly what happened.”_

 _“I would imagine that Tegoshi has a very good idea of what would happen, sending you outside in that outfit. I am kinda amazed that you made it this far. Did they throw you out of a car or did you walk up from the station?”_

 _“A car.”_

 _“Figures. What were you meant to do?”_

 _“My mission was to go into the nearest Lawson and buy Karaage, find a Tsutaya and buy the latest copy of Potato, and then find a bar and have a drink before calling them to meet me.”_

 _“That would be hard with no wallet and no phone.”_

 _“Yep. I think you have found the flaw in the plan.” Koyama stretched, and the silence spun between them. Finally he asked, “So, Gemi-chan, why are you here tonight? And were you really planning on staying here until morning?”_

 _“I was meant to be meeting up with friends tonight, but no one turned up. They kept mailing me saying they were on their way. By the time I had waited, I had missed the last train home, and I did not have enough money for a taxi home. So, karaoke seemed like the best option.”_

 _“Wasn't there someone else you could call? I'll give you my number. I don't like the idea of you wandering around so late at night without anywhere to go. You could run into trouble.”_

 _“You are sweet. I tried to call my cousin, but his phone was engaged. I left him a message, but I know he was out tonight, so who knows if he will ever get around to listening to his voicemail. I have the feeling he might be more worried about something else tonight.”_

 _“I'll give you my number. If you are ever stuck again, I want you to call me, regardless of the time.”_

 _She smiled softly at him. “Thank you.”_

 _The conversation ebbed and flowed. She told him about school, and he answered her questions about aspects of being an idol. She told him about what she wanted to study at university, and he told her to work hard and encouraged her to really study what she wanted to._

 _After a few hours, she realised she was slumped against him, with her head on his shoulder._

 _“It's ok, try to sleep.”_

 _“And miss my chance of spending more time with you? I don't think so, I need more material to keep my friends at school amused.”_

 _He laughed again, and then put his arm around her, settling her more comfortably against his shoulder. “You remind me of a friend.”_

 _She snorted. “Really? Is it the school girl uniform, or the fact I am so awed by your presence that I am falling asleep?”_

 _“Although the school girl uniform suits you very well, I was referring to your sense of humour. And your eyes.”_

 _“Ahh. That would be ironic then.”_

 _“It would?”_

 _She yawned sleepily. “Yeah. He always says that he will not introduce me because I will tell you horrible things about him, and because I am annoying. I tell him that he won't introduce me because he knows that I am the female version of him and he is just worried that you will prefer me. Just because I am a girl.”_

 _Koyama looked steadily at her for a few seconds, sorting through her words. He looked at the curve of her jaw, the size of her nose, and the way her eyelids fluttered shut. He looked at her, trying really hard to come up with another answer, but failing. “What is your last name?”_

 _She smiled sweetly and closed her eyes. “Do you really have to ask?”_

 _“I suppose not. You are Shigemi aren't you? Shige's sweet little cousin who doesn't like Johnnys, and has no interest in meeting any of his friends.”_

 _“That's not entirely true.” She yawned and snuggled closer. “You have really comfortable shoulders, Kei-chan. I am Shige's cousin, but I have nothing against Johnnys. I love NEWS. I have all your albums and I have been to your concerts. Shige will spend hours telling me about your time backstage, and what happens on your photoshoots, and he shows me the photos he takes of you all. Especially you. He just won't ever introduce me to you.”_

 _“Why not?” Koyama's voice was quiet, almost as if he was holding his breath._

 _“Silly. He is worried, and a bit jealous I think. He wants to keep you for himself, and he is worried that because I am a girl you will look at me differently.”_

 _His grip tightened around her. “Has he said anything about me?”_

 _She opened her eyes, and placed a gentle hand on his cheek. “He constantly talks about you. I know him very well. I think he is just scared of you. Scared that you might reject him in some way.”_

 _“Oh.”_

 _There was silence for a few minutes before she said, “You are silly too. You only need to reach out to him, and tell him, you know. I can tell. You are scared as well.”_

 _He nodded, a movement she felt more than saw._

 _“Just tell him.”_

 _Silence._

 _“Or I will.”_

 _“You wouldn't!”_

 _“I so would.”_

 _She gave him a few moments to think._

 _“If you don't, you are going to have to explain how we ended up meeting, and spending all night together. Wouldn't want the tabloids to find out.”_

 _He was quiet, thinking, and then came to a happy conclusion. “There won't be any tabloids. You called him earlier tonight, didn't you?”_

 _“Yep. Poor Shige, he is probably having a really bad night, searching through all the backstreets looking for you, worried that fangirls have molested you. He should have known better than to let you out in those pants you know. And the shirt shows off your arms. And then I leave him a voicemail telling him I am stuck here. He might be here soon, and then he'll see us sitting here, curled up together, with your arm around me, and everything he has been scared of will have happened.”_

 _“I am slightly scared of you right now.”_

 _She smirked, and then yawned again. “That would be wise. But, you know, all you have to do is tell him. Reassure him about what you feel for him....”_

“And that is when I woke up,” Shige kept his eyes fixed on his coffee cup, not able to meet Tegoshi's gaze. Tegoshi and Massu shared a worried look as Shige drummed his fingers on the table.

Tegoshi picked up his own coffee cup and sipped. Then repeated the action three more times, before Shige finally broke down and said, “Say something. You are meant to be able to help me here! What does it mean!”

Tegoshi smiled at him, and Shige snapped. “Tell me!” He was seriously rethinking trusting Ryo's opinion that Tegoshi would be able to help. 

“OK.” Tegoshi put the cup down, and began explaining. “So, you have started having dreams where you are dressed up as all the characters from your Tambourine PV. Tell me about the first one again.”

“In my first dream, I was this John-san guy, and Kei was a university student. He asked me to tutor him in English, as he was applying for a program where he could study abroad for a year. We met for coffee, and had a really good time. We had lots of things to talk about.”

“What did he drink?”

“Hot chocolate.”

“Go on.”

“So, Kei was drinking hot chocolate and ...”

“And?”

 _“I really do appreciate you taking the time to do help me with my application, John-san. I know you don't have a lot of free time right now, so I would really like to say thank you somehow. How you manage to balance your job and full-time study is really amazing, it shows how determined and committed you are when you have chosen to do something. And law is such a hard program as well, it takes so much time and effort to study, and you need to be able to make connections and decisions based on precedence, and what are you doing!!!!?”_

 _John quickly sat back in his chair, chocolate smudged across his fingertips. Kei had ended up with chocolate on his upper lip, and without thinking he had reached across the table, and wiped the chocolate away. He looked down at his fingers, then hurriedly wiped them on a napkin. “Sorry, you had chocolate ....”_

 _Kei looked a bit nonplussed, then managed a small nervous smile. “Oh. Um. Right.” He began to gather the papers spread across the table. “Sorry, I really need to get going. I have to meet a friend for dinner, and he will be upset if I am late, although he always forgives me when I am. I would have mentioned him I am sure, he is also studying law, and he is really smart, and has a really great sense of humour, and is one of my closest friends, and I would never forget about him, and I really have to go now, bye!”_

“So that was the first dream. The second dream was you in your salaryman costume, and Kei-chan was your senpai. A group of you from the office went out drinking after work, and you kept calling down for drinks and food, and kept filling everyone's glasses, because you were the youngest one there. Kei-chan made you sing Kinki Kids duets with him all night, and after everyone else had left, he made you sing Seishun Amigo with him. Then what happened?” Tegoshi sat back and took another long sip of coffee.

“Well, Kei was pretty drunk by that point, and he started telling me how glad he was that I had joined the company, and how much he was looking forward to being a senpai who looked after me and showed me the ropes. He kept pulling at my tie and saying I looked too neat, and then he ... well he kept trying to grab my glasses, saying that I looked adorable in glasses, and asking if my girlfriend liked my glasses. When I said I didn’t have a girlfriend because I was too busy with work, he said that was a good thing because being busy at work all the time would make a girlfriend very sad. Instead he said I should think about finding a partner who understood the demands and requirements of my industry and would not be upset when I worked late, or had big projects.”

“And then you sang again?”

“Yeah, Kei put on Harmony of December and towards the end, the bit about the holding on to each other, well he grabbed me and sang the words at me and at the end he promised that he would always hold onto me and stand beside me and I would never have to be on my own.”

“Uh-uh.” Tegoshi nodded, waited for a second, then slapped Shige across the head. “So you understand now?”

“No! I don't understand, that's what I keep telling you!”

Tegoshi sighed, then said, “I’m kind of impressed by how blind you are Shige, but let's go through this step by step. First up; the dreaming thing. You are right that dreams are the mind's way of sorting through and storing information that you have gained both consciously and unconsciously. It helps process things for you. It can also help you identify things which stress you, or upset you, or concern you. In your case, I think your subconscious is working very hard to help you realise something your conscious mind is avoiding.”

“Like what? I mean I am happy with my life, as far as I can tell. I don't want to be a rock singer, or a school girl, or a salaryman. And why does Kei keep coming into it?”

Tegoshi looked at Massu, amazed that the usually quite smart and alert Shige was not getting it at all.

Massu patted Tegoshi's arm, then held Shige's gaze. “Everyone knows that Koyama is very important to you, Shige. Everyone knows you are really close friends. Have a think about the dreams and tell us if there is anything that connects them, or is similar in each of them?”

“Apart from me and Kei? Umm ... we talk in all of them, I suppose, except for when I was Shigemi, in that one I was Shigemi, but I was also me and I was not there for that one.”

“That's not entirely true,” Tegoshi pointed out. “Kei-chan was there in his Love Addiction outfit, and you were there dressed up as Shigemi, and as the waiter, and you were mentioned by name. Remember though, Kei-chan never saw the waiter. Both Shigemi and Kei-chan talked about Shige, but you were not there with them, and they could not reach you by phone. You experienced everything as Shigemi. Kei however did not recognise you as Shigemi, he saw you and Shigemi as two different people. He saw similarities between you, but he sees you as two different individuals. That is important, the way he saw you in each of your dreams.”

He sipped his coffee again. Shige was not sure how it could still be drinkable.

“The other thing that is important is that Kei-chan told you different things in each of your dreams. You need to think about the types of things he told you in each of them, that's the reason why you had the dream I think.”

“Why the hell would my subconscious want to tell me via a dream that Kei likes to see me in glasses? That makes no sense!”

“You might be surprised,” Massu muttered. “Think about what else Koyama told you in that dream.”

“That he was glad I was working there, that I should find a partner in the industry who understands and accepts it, and that he will never leave me.”

Massu and Tegoshi sat there unblinking, waiting for the lightbulb to metaphorically go off. They waited in vain.

“Why would we need to be dressed as salarymen for me to hear that?”

Tegoshi rubbed his forehead, and then said quietly and calmly, “The outfit itself is not that important in that dream, Shige. You could have been dressed as zoo keepers or workers in a maid cafe. The words were the important thing. If you think about, in each of your dreams, Kei-chan told you about why he likes you, he focused on one or two things or aspects of you that he likes and values.”

He paused for a bit, to allow Shige to mentally run through what he had told him, against the memory of his dreams. “I think your subconscious is trying to tell you that you like Kei-chan.”

“Of course I like Kei, he is my ...”

“No!” Tegoshi interrupted him. “Don't hide behind that Shige. We know you are friends, but this is something different. Something that you need to look at, because it is bothering you. All of your dreams are about Kei-chan telling you why he likes you, and how he values you. Not all of it is a “just as friends” thing though. Think about it. When you were a salaryman there was hugging. When you were a rock star, there was pressing against walls and kissing. That's not “just friends” stuff.”

“That didn't always happen though!” Shige denied frantically. For some reason, Tegoshi's words had really disturbed him, and his stomach seemed to be doing somersaults. “There was no kissing over coffee, and no kissing as Shigemi either.”

“Exactly. When you were Shige and Kei was Kei, there was kissing and hugging and touching. When you were Shigemi, Kei-chan treated you as Shigemi, a young girl who he did not want wandering around Tokyo late at night by herself. Yes, you cuddled up together on the couch, but that was all ... just cuddling, and Kei-chan knew at that point that she was related to you, so he trusted her and made her comfortable. He did not try to kiss her or take advantage or her, or anything like that. When you were John-san and you leant across a table and wiped chocolate off his lip, Kei-chan bolted out the door as fast as he could babbling about a friend who just happens to be the real you.”

Tegoshi stared at him. “Shige. Think about it. Even in your dreams, when it was recognisably just you and Kei there were feelings and physical actions between you. When it was Kei and you pretending to be someone else, it was different. Shigemi said you did not want to introduce her to Kei because you were scared that he would prefer Shigemi to Shige. Kei showed you and Shigemi that was not true. When John-san made a move on him, he bolted. Kei-chan prefers Shige. Kei-chan wants Shige. Kei-chan like Shige.” He paused and grabbed Shige's hands. “That way. Shige. You like Kei-chan. You like each other that way.”

Shige rubbed his eyes. “I ... I ... I ...” 

Tegoshi and Massu shared a look before Massu walked around the table, and put his arm around Shige's shoulders. “Think about it Shige. Everything Kei said about you, everything he said he liked, all of those things are things that you also think about Kei-chan. Right? You love how involved he is on stage, never wanting to leave him, admiring being able to juggle so many things at once. Most importantly though, you already know how you really feel. If you were not sure, or did not really care, you would have already introduced Shigemi to us all. You haven't because you were worried that Kei would see her as the female you, and fall for her. Why would that have bothered you? After all, she is safe, you know her, you would always be welcome to spend time with them, and she would never set out to hurt him. She would almost be an ideal girlfriend – if you wanted her to be.”

Shige looked at his hands. “I was jealous.”

Massu nodded. “A little bit. Of yourself. In your own dream.”

Shige smiled bitterly. “And it was all in my own dreams, wasn't it? All those feelings were my feelings, and I put the words in his mouth. He told me what I wanted to hear.”

“Shige.” Tegoshi, shook his head. “No.”

Shige stood up, tears glistening in his eyes. “Thanks for listening to me. I needed to work this out. I guess now that I know, I can work on getting over it. I'm sorry for troubling you with this.” He grabbed his bag, and walked quickly out of the room.

“Massu, did we do the right thing?” Tegoshi asked worriedly.

“I think so,” Massu replied, and put his phone on the table between them. He shook his head quickly before Teogshi could speak. “Shige was crying, but I think he will be alright. What he really needs now is to talk to Kei-chan.” Massu leant over and hit the “end call” button, and looked at Tegoshi with a small smile. “I think that will happen pretty soon.”

**  
Shige planned on ignoring the incessant ringing of his phone. He succeeded quite well, managing to ignore it through seven cans of beer. The knocking was harder to ignore. Whoever was at his door was proving more stubborn than the person on the phone. He figured it was their manager on the phone, wondering where he was. Tegoshi and Massu could really have covered for him. He had no idea who it was at the door though, not that he cared really. 

Shige managed an eighth can, before he heard his name being called.

“Shige!”

“Shige, open the door!”

“Shige, please I am worried about you!”

“Open this door, right now!”

It kinda sounded like Kei. A worried, and becoming increasingly annoyed Kei. It could not have been Kei though, as he had filming this afternoon, and a key, so he would just open the door if he wanted to.

“Shige, if you do not open the door, I'll use my key! Open up!”

Ok, so maybe it was Kei. Kei who he might kind of sort actually, probably was, and always had been, in love with and now he realised it and what the hell was he meant to say to him and ... oh god, beer and quick movement did not mix. Shige groaned. The floor was hard.

“Shige?!?! I heard something fall, are you ok? Shige? I am coming in!!”

The door opened, and Koyama rushed in to find Shige closely contemplating the floor. He saw the empty cans of beer, and when Shige raised his head slowly to look at him, he saw the red eyes and traces of tears. “Shige.”

Shige meanwhile was having a slight problem. The alcohol was doing its job of making him drunk, but unfortunately it was not helping with the making him forget how he felt about Kei. And now, Kei was here. At least he thought it was Kei. It may have been a Kei lookalike who was dressed in a blindingly white suit, with carefully styled hair, unbuttoned shirt, four necklaces, a huge bling watch, six rings, three bracelets and … he stopped to count again ... three silver chains clipped to his belt. And eyeliner. This guy was wearing eyeliner and shadow, and what looked like some kind of shiny lipgloss. He looked like a host.

“Shige.” 

The kind of possibly Kei knelt down beside him and helped him into a sitting position. 

“Are you ok?”

He nodded, then shut his eyes as the movement made his head spin and his stomach lurch. He waited until things settled down a bit, and then opened his eyes again. The pretend Kei was still there.

“Why are you here?”

“I was worried about you. How much have you had to drink?”

Shige laughed, and Koyama tried not to wince at the bitter sound. “Not enough.” He looked again at Kei, and frowned. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Koyama cast a furtive look at him, and nervously tugged on the chains. “Well, I had something I wanted to tell you, and I thought this might be the easiest way.”

Shige managed to raise an eyebrow. “You look like a host.” He was surprised by the brilliant smile Kei threw at him.

“That was what I was aiming for! I wanted to look like a host because you didn't dream of me as a host. Oops.”

Shige looked at him with dawning horror, as he realised that Kei knew. Somehow he knew. Rage, humiliation and anger swept through him, followed closely by sorrow. Kei knew. Now that he knew, they would never be friends again. It would never be the same. He bowed his head, and said quietly, “I'm sorry Kei. I am sorry. I promise I won't do anything else to ruin our friendship. Just ... just pretend. Please? Can we just pretend that it's like it was before?”

Koyama took a deep breath and said, “I don't think I can.”

Shige swore he felt his heart crack. 

Koyama realised how his words had sounded. “Wait. No. That's not what I meant. I don't want to pretend that it's like it was before. Not that the before was bad. I just ... I think ... I ... I want ... Damn it.” He stopped, took a deep breath and said, “I like you too.”

Shige stared at him, wide-eyed.

“I am in love with you, Shige. I think I have been for years.”

Silence fell, Shige looked stunned and Koyama increasingly worried.

Finally, Shige said, “Why are you saying this Kei? You don't have to.”

Koyama stretched out a hand and caught Shige's chin, turning his head to meet his gaze. “I know I don't have to say anything Shige. I am saying this because I want to. I need to say it. I love you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are Shige,” Koyama smiled softly.

“Why are you telling me now?”

“Because you need to hear me say it now.”

“So you just woke up this morning, dressed yourself up like a host, and decided to tell me you loved me?”

“Not exactly.” Koyama dropped his hand from Shige's chin, and ran it through his own hair. “Hear me out Shige. I have wanted to tell you for a long time how I felt about you, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. If it made you uncomfortable, or if you started to hate me, I would not have been able to cope with that. I thought it was better to stay as we were, best of friends. KoyaShige. And then, earlier today, my phone rang. At first I thought it was a prank call from Massu, but then I realised that it was not. It was you, I heard you, telling Massu and Tegoshi about your dreams. Shige, wait ...” 

Koyama lunged at Shige, grabbing his shoulders. Shige tried to shake him off, to move away, but Koyama hung on grimly. “I am sorry that I overheard what you were telling them, but only because it upsets you. I am not sorry I heard what you said, because it gives me hope that you feel the same way. Everything I said in your dreams I meant Shige. Everything. I feel even more than that. The only thing missing was me telling you that I loved you. And that is something that I need to do in person. So here I am, right here, in front of you, telling you that I love you.”

Shige closed his eyes. “My head hurts. This still makes no sense.”

“It might make a bit more sense if you believed anything I said, and had not drunk quite so much beer on an empty stomach.” Koyama moved closer and pulled him into a strong hug, wrapping his arms around Shige and placing his cheek against his. “This makes sense, Shige. It does. In a way, it makes more sense than us just being friends.” He nuzzled Shige's neck and then said, “Does this feel like just friends to you?”

Shige raised his arms and clutched at Koyama’s shoulders. “It feels like you. It feels right.”

Koyama pressed a kiss against Shige's cheek. “Exactly.”

Shige pulled back a bit, and held Koyama’s gaze. “Kei. I love you.” Slowly he leaned in and pressed their lips together. He felt Koyama smile, then deepen their kiss slowly. He felt warmth, love, happiness. Then Koyama held him tighter, kissed him deeper, and he forgot to breathe.

“Believe me now?” Koyama asked.

Shige nodded, then winced. The pounding in his head increased. Maybe the beer had not been a good idea.

Koyama smoothed the hair back from his face, fingers lingering on his cheeks. “You are going to have a hell of a hangover.”

Shige nodded dolefully, then looked at Koyama again. Somehow in the kissing he had managed to smudge Kei's eyeliner ... and lipgloss. Which tasted like peaches he now knew. He reached out and rubbed the smudged eyeliner. “Why are you dressed like a host?”

A slight blush on his cheeks, Koyama answered, “It seemed like a good idea. I knew if I turned up here today and just confessed you would not believe me. Everything you had said about your dreams, that all matched how I feel about you. I wanted to show you that I am truly in love with you, and I knew I would have to tell you that I had overheard you talking to Massu and Tegoshi. I thought the host thing was something I could wear in the car. I also make a hot host.” He grinned. “I hoped it would make you feel better about me having overheard you as well. I thought maybe if I dressed up like this, it would make you believe me. You had not dreamed of me as a host, so ...”

Shige's flushed cheeks and furtive sideways glance gave him away.

Koyama laughed delightedly. “Shige! You did. Tell me.”

One furious head shake later, Koyama was begging to know.

Finally Shige relented, “Yes I dreamt about us as hosts, but I was not telling Tegoshi and Massu about it, because we ended up ...” He snapped his mouth shut and glared at Koyama.

Koyama grinned, and clung to a slightly struggling Shige. “Did we already do it in your dreams Shige? Where was it? How was I?”

“I hate you.”

“No, you love me, and I love you.” Koyama grinned. “Your dreams prove it.” He rested his head against Shige's shoulder.

“You are so sappy.”

“Maybe but you love me anyway.”

“Maybe.”

“So, tell me. How exactly did the KoyaShige hosts dream go?”

Shige grinned.  _“Well, it all started with.......”_

End.

  
  
  



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